Stuff, Getting It, Getting Rid of it.

It’s a strange cycle, all those years spent slowly acquiring ‘things’ only to reach this age and wish to be shed of most of them.  I’m reminded of the late George Carlin’s performance routine in which he talks about ‘stuff’.    Coming across an article in The New York Times; When Possessions Lead to Paralysis, I am reminded fondly of what George Carlin has to say about it.

We just saw our granddaughter off to college, spending that first Orientation Day with her while she set up her dorm room.  Last month another granddaughter just got herself set up at her college dorm room, so we have furnishing college dorm rooms on the mind.  With the sparity of space, yet the essentials of living for the next year all contained in a space about the size of a large walk in closet, if even that much room, I’m feeling awkward about the house we live in which contains the two of us and all our possessions.

I wonder why it seems to take a lifetime to acquire all we think we need only to wind up looking at it all wondering why we thought we had to have it in the first place.  Not so much my husband, as me, because I seem to have that collecting stuff need more than he, but I wonder, could we get by with just enough stuff to fit a dorm room?  I often wonder if we could get by with just enough stuff to fill a travel trailer and do some road travel in the years ahead.

What would we do with all our stuff?  And already I’m thinking it’s time to have an ongoing garage sale, online, and offload some of this stuff.

My mother said goodbye to her husband in 2006.  When he went on ahead to the other side, he left her alone.  I spent the first two years being as much ‘there’ for her as I could, and she often talked of selling her house, and moving closer to us.  She talked of doing so for years, it is now 2010, yet it never got much further than talk, and now she seems to be settled with the idea of remaining where she is, staying put.  It’s a financially sensible arrangement for her, yet I’ve often wondered if the idea of what to do with all her stuff was a somewhat overwhelming part of her decision to stay put.    It would certainly be overwhelming to me to be alone and along in years, left to figure out what to do with all this stuff in our home.

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I know, I know..my mom says it too, she doesn’t have favorites, she loves us all the same.   Actually, I have come to recognize that I don’t want to be loved ‘the same’ as my siblings, because somehow it denudes my specialness, and I am then just one of the brood.  My mother would never admit to having a favorite among her four children.  I like to believe that I don’t have a favorite among my three children.  Yet this article in the New York Times; Mom Always Like You Best (a well known routine from the Smothers Brothers) points out the significance of  who is going to care for mom and how that relates to mom’s sense of  her favorite child.
Quoting from the article, and for more, read the article here.

Further studies revealed that middle-aged children often recognized that their parents felt closer to one child than another — but were off-base about who ranked highest. “They typically choose themselves,” Dr. Pillemer said, “and they’re typically wrong.”
One might file this under “Stuff I’d Just as Soon Not Know,” except that the care of the elderly falls mostly to their children and that one child usually shoulders the bulk of the responsibility. Mothers also express clear ideas about whom they want and expect to take on that role, it turns out, so their partiality has consequences.

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She really does like her solitude and it’s okay.

Reassuring article, New York Times; Aging’s Misunderstood Virtues  explains that as we age our so do our tastes, preferences and what interested us at 45 or 50 may not be of interest in later years, as we mature so do our interests, we are continually evolving.    I have worried that my mother seems to spend more time alone than I think is healthy.  Perhaps not; quoting from the article;

“We develop and change; we mature,” he told me in a phone interview from his home in Uppsala, Sweden. “It’s a process that goes on all our lives, and it doesn’t ever end. The mistake we make in middle age is thinking that good aging means continuing to be the way we were at 50. Maybe it’s not.”
An increased need for solitude, and for the company of only a few intimates, is one of the traits Dr. Tornstam attributes to this continuing maturation. So that elderly mother isn’t deteriorating, necessarily — she’s evolving.
“People tell us they are different people at 80,” Dr. Tornstam explained. “They have new interests, and they have left some things behind.”

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Heritage

For the sake of keeping a record, posting the images of grave sites in Missoula, MT of my maternal grandparents:

 Paul K. Flint  

 Hetty E. Wharton Flint 

and image of grave site of my paternal grandfather in Sandpoint, ID

Samuel Phillip Wagner

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The down time of Coronavirus National Emergency shut down. 2020

Well here it is, upon us all.   My husband and I had already decided to self quarantine 2 1/2 weeks earlier, as I had cold/flu already for too long this season, and we had concern about the information or lack of clarity of the information at that time.  Now it is global, and President has declared National Emergency so enough about that, now what to do during the next 3 months as we are shut in as my husband likes to say?

1)  Walking in fresh air.  First, we walk and likely every other day or daily at public park in our town where few people are out and walking.  Come spring and summer, that might well change to too many people to do the social distancing we would like.  Of course the people at the park may well want to do social distancing also, so might not be a problem.  And if the public park doesn't work, we have our 2 mile walk to the River and back. Today there is Snow for second day (March 2020) and news indicates the snow will be gone soon.

2) Writing. I thought blogging in my old blogs mght be a way to go.  Also, using the greeting cards from the time of my mother's death to send out to family and people.  Writing my and our memoirs. I have books to actually help a bit with that one, that I have ignored or not written in for years.  And I prefer to write, journal as that is my way of remembering, frequently do not refer back to former writing, although my memory is not working as well as it once did. 

3) Crochet/Knitting.  Well for me that just goes with the time, whether coronavirus or not, as I have been crocheting for years.  Recently our church prayer shawl group suspended itself due to coronavirus, and I was ahead of that one, making prayer shawls anyway to bring when husband and I decided to suspend our self-quarantine. I have a couple of grandchildren though, and it might be timely to online instruct them in this fine business of knitting/crocheting, using yarn they maybe already have.

4)  Downsizing, Clean Up, House Redecorate.  So many of us have some kind of clean up or clear up to do, ie, garage, house, spring cleaning.  For myself, it is time to turn my winter clothing in my dressing room (a bedroom I confiscated to become a dressing room ...  lol)  to spring and summer clothing.  I have much downsizing to do just now, and probably while thrift stores are not receiving much or people aren't using, I can at least separate items out.  And well, I have not redone our home in couple years, so can think about how I might do it.  I am sure that different people's juices are flowing as people think about what they can do during this down time. 

5)  Turn off the news, Facebook, media about the virus.  I know I am frightened and doing stress related constant watching the news or Facebook to learn what is going on, and I also know that I need some relax time out, as do many of us.

6) Staying in contact with loved ones, people. Part of my own reach out has more to do with my own anxiety yet staying in touch and contact helps and takes away some of the anxious feeling.  Recognizing I am among the fortunate to have a husband while many people are doing this shut down alone, I think it is more important than ever to do reach out and stay connected, in contact.  Even though Facebook is among popular media platforms, using it in productive ways right now might help some.   I like our walks, just saying hi to people seems to lift my spirits. 

7)  Kids at home. That is no longer my expertise, as I said we are the elderly population, no kids at home.  Better that parents speak to this one, than me, yet already I am seeing ways to keep children busy while at home.  I wouldn't mind a letter or card or two from youngsters.

8)  Music.  It is, imo, a language of it's own and goes a long way to calming people.  Already I have found two places that symphonies are willing to livestream for Free their concerts.   My husband likes music and is an accomplished pianist.  Our home is filled frequently with music, the many playlists he has developed and the piano he plays himself to a) calm his own nerves and b) to serenade me (was the Memory Care Unit weekly, they have shut down for the interim). 

9) Games, not Internet, not online, board games, cards.   We haven't done this one yet, hope to, expect to, hasn't really happened yet.  We both did this with our kids when they were kids.  Might be something we will pick up and do for this shut down period   Might be something for younger families, parents and children to do if they aren't already. 

10)  Crafting.  I had plenty to do for a long while, in fact, purchased and collected.  Didn't seem to have the heart for it after my mother passed.  Or maybe getting along in years.  I don't really know.  Even as I type this, I don't seem to have inclination to pick the therapeutic manner of crafting.  Wondering aloud who I could gift the items I might create?  There is still next year. eh?  Nonetheless others with the fortitude and inspiration may want to think about it, also an idea for useful child helpers.

11)  Gardening.  Not really an issue for me, I like to play outside with the yard.  Lots of people do, and this would be the time to give that yard an thorough upkeep, planting, cleaning, while growing the newly planted vegetable garden and flower garden.  Happy days, plus fresh air, and also that quieting of mind time. 

12)  Oil Painting, or any kind of painting.   I look forward to it warming up a bit where we live so I can get some time oil painting on the enclosed deck which also doubles as our reading area, breakfast area, painting studio, nap time. 

Other thoughts for how people might use this coronavirus down time are  welcome. 

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